10/11/03
Shiit, it's well past due that I put up a page like this. Dedicated to the morons that Darwin hasn't managed to cull off yet, for some amazing reason.
My first Dumbass page is dedicated to, a bar tender (no offence to all you bar tenders out there, I'm sure you're not all stupid morons).
While I was in America the other week (work trip) I got hooked on "Black and Tan":
It's a drink consisting of half larger/ale and half Guinness. Tastes a lot nicer than it sounds. Anyway, I thought I'd ask for one at Cullen and Hannah's going away and Crazy's birthday party (1st Nov).
I didn't expect the bar man to know what the hell a black and tan was, but was prepared to tell him.
Me: I'll have a black and Tan please, do you know what that is?
Dumbass: Ahh, nah, me don't.
Me: That's cool. It's half larger and half Guinness. You pour the larger in first the use a teaspoon to help you pour the Guinness on top of it, so it settles on top.
Dumbass: *blank look* dah...
Me: You know, like if you where making a layered shot, with a liquor floating on top of another?
Dumbass: *blank look* dah...
Me: Ok, I'll guide you through it. Fill up a pint with half larger *point to Bass*.
Dumbass: OK, cool. *pours drink* will that do *pint 1/4 full*
Me: Ahh, no, could you fill it up half way?
Dumbass: *proceeds to fill it 3/4 full* what about this?
Me: Um, sure, whatever. When I meant a half full pint, I meant you to fill it up to here *pointing to half pint mark*
Dumbass: Ok *pours out beer into sink to get half pint, I cringe at the number of African families that could get pissed on that*.
Me: Ok sweet. Now get a teaspoon.
Dumbass: *Turns around, scrabbles about and asks workmate what a teaspoon is. Workmate laughs head off and points behind him to teaspoons and drink mixers. Dumbass grabs drink mixer and comes back to me. Workmate sees what dumbass has done, slaps drink mixer out of hand and passes him a teaspoon*.
Me: That's great, well done. Ok, now hold the teaspoon real close to the beer and pour in the Guinness.
Dumbass: *Holds the teaspoon really close to the pump and grabs the Guinness handle ready to pour.*
Me: NO, put the teaspoon down into the beer so it hits it and trickles into the glass.
Dumbass: *puts teaspoon hard against nozzle of Guinness tap ready to make it spray everywhere and looks at me blankly.*
Me: *grabbing pint and his hand holding teaspoon, I place the teaspoon into the Guinness pint and tell him to pull the handle. He manages to do that. Guinness gently fills up the rest of the pint*. Cheers, now that's what I call a black and tan. Be sure to tell you friends.
Dumbass.